Beyond the limited self

Ever since I went to Bulgaria I have been contemplating on the question of what is authentic in me. The question was inspired by the observation of how much I fluctuated depending on who I was around. That was particularly obvious when I was around old friends who were not fully familiar with the meaning of the Baha’i Faith in my life. But that was also obvious from contemplating the differences that sometimes occur in my thinking and behavior depending on whether I am among people or on my own. So, I feel, this question, of finding the authentic me, is of paramount importance for my healing and spiritual growth.

Big Mind / Big HeartLast night I started reading a fabulous book, “Big Mind / Big Heart“, which talks about the disowned voices we have hidden deep in our subconscious because they talk of things we are not proud of — I sure have a lot of those voices. The ability to embrace them is a key to giving them voice in a healthy way. But the book talks also about other voices of which we might not be aware — the voices that speak of something bigger than we limit ourselves to be.

This morning I woke up from a series of dreams which spoke to me of being embraced in the love and grace of God; which gave examples of strength and courage — an austrian swimmer champion in the Olympics who had only one arm (?!), and which sent me a message that a friend who wants and wills to help me has arrived in Arlington. I can’t shake the feeling of joy that sense of being immersed in God’s mercy!

zucchini So, now I am getting ready to go back to the Arlington County Fair where I went last night to be at the Baha’i booth with another wonderful friend. At some point I wandered around checking other exhibitors and then saw the competition tables — of vegetables grown, of jams canned, and of photographs taken by Arlingtonians — and I realized that I too, could participate in these competitions. The zucchini I grew were at least as big as the winner; the sour cherry jam is probably not much worse than those shown on the winners’ table; as for my photography, who knows, I am new in it but surely willing to learn.

This all takes me back to the question of the authentic self. It seems to me I have limited my perception of who I am for such a long time that it has been disservice to both myself and my creator. Time to say hello to the world. World, say hello to Mitko 🙂

O God, Who art the Author of all Manifestations, the Source of all Sources, the Fountain-Head of all Revelations, and the Well-Spring of all Lights! I testify that by Thy Name the heaven of understanding hath been adorned, and the ocean of utterance hath surged, and the dispensations of Thy providence have been promulgated unto the followers of all religions.

I beseech Thee so to enrich me as to dispense with all save Thee, and be made independent of any one except Thyself. Rain down, then, upon me out of the clouds of Thy bounty that which shall profit me in every world of Thy worlds. Assist me, then, through Thy strengthening grace, so to serve Thy Cause amidst Thy servants that I may show forth what will cause me to be remembered as long as Thine own kingdom endureth and Thy dominion will last.

This is Thy servant, O my Lord, who with his whole being hath turned unto the horizon of Thy bounty, and the ocean of Thy grace, and the heaven of Thy gifts. Do with me then as becometh Thy majesty, and Thy glory, and Thy bounteousness, and Thy grace.

Thou, in truth, art the God of strength and power, Who art meet to answer them that pray Thee. There is no God save Thee, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

(Baha’u’llah, Prayers and Meditations by Baha’u’llah, p. 59)

2 Responses to “Beyond the limited self

  • I’m still in your archives! I like this post…in fact, next to the ones you share about your daughters, it is my favorite because of the part where you make the realization about your zucchini and your jam not being “much worse” than the jam on the winner’s table. 🙂 Realizing that you have had limited perception of yourself is huge! I do hope you expand your views by participating in these and other things…Your blog is really helping me with all of the links and information. Thank you!

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    […] afternoon, I got a wonderful confirmation of something I had had a dream about few days ago — a dear friend has indeed arrived in Arlington, and help is within reach! […]

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